I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
