does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
