who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
