College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Less talking, more tequila
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
