i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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