sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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