I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
