my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
