Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
