i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
