It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
