I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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