This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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