I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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