She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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