he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
