it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
