When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
