i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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