Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
