We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's never too late to be topless.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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