U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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