please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
