I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
