you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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