Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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