She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
