How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
