It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
