im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
