So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
