lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
