I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
