Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
