See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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