new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
