What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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