dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
50% drunk capacity currently
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
