hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
