it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
