I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
