True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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