nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
