I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Still dying that you shit outside
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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