fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
