He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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