dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
