So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
