I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
