the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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