i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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