if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
