Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
