The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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